I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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