No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
