Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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