last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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