I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
