some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
