I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
