He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
