I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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