Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
