We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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