So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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