Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
