it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
