wakey wakey hands off snakey
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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