covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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