Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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