I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
