spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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