Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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