Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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