it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
