I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
