bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
