i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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