Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
