eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
