Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Watching her eat just hurts me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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