what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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