i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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