that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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