these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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