All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
