im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
