the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
