Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
