I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
