i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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