If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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