This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
