everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bring me that man meat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
