how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
