would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
