nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
