Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
