What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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