He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
