Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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