It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
