We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
3 2 1 whiskey
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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