It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
