That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
