I bet he comes in French.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
