shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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