tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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