It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Boobs speak an international language.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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