You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
