its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
