I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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