you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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