i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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