No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
