so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
