Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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